Halfway to 80
In 2014 I attended a women’s leadership workshop about defining your authentic leadership style. It was a sneaky way of asking a room full of women to be honest with themselves about who they are and what they want from life. It was the first time I consciously and openly self-reflected. I thought seriously about what I needed in order to change my habits and reach my goals. It changed the course of my life in a small way. Before we could dive deep into career and leadership goals, we first needed to identify our center and what we valued most in life. One exercise, in particular, was simple, yet transformative.
Close your eyes.
Picture yourself on your front porch, in a rocking chair, at 80 years old.
You’re watching the sunset and reflecting on your life.
What moments are you thinking about with gratitude and joy?
I am a firm believer that the FIRST thing that pops into your head is the most authentic. The first memory I visualized was a summertime BBQ with friends, kids running around, lots of laughter, and easy conversation. It wasn’t a specific BBQ, but rather a compilation of memories rolled into one. I didn’t think about the big vacations, graduations, awards, and promotions. Instead, I thought about all the simple moments with the people I love. I thought about how I felt loved and connected while being my true self. Simple, right? So, why is it so challenging to remember? As a society, we are fed a steady stream of imagery that glamorizes the big, memorable moments in life. We buy into spending tons of time, energy, and money to make these moments so big and beautiful, that sometimes, we forget what they’re even really about. How often have we seen couples spend a year planning a wedding but have spent no time planning for their marriage? We take our eye off the ball, and if we do it enough, we start missing the moments that matter. The non-Instagram moments that truly bind us together as humans, as family, as friends.
The moments that matter, the moments that connect you, the moments that define your happiness can be big, but they can also be very small. Don’t discount the trip to the ice cream shop, watching a movie on your couch, or a walk around the block. See them for what they are - connection to the people you love and who love you. In 2015 I watched a TED Talk by Robert Waldinger where he discussed the findings of the Grant Study, the longest-running study of happiness. Essentially, the key to happiness is healthy relationships. Meaningful human connection. It’s not a college degree, or a big house or anything money can buy. It’s connecting with other humans.
The world was given the ultimate challenge in 2020: stay connected to your people without physical contact. We missed the canceled events and celebrations, but what we really missed was connecting in familiar ways to the people we love. Our lives’ celebrations and traditions are often vehicles to gather and connect to others. Without them, we’re left longing for some other way to reach each other. If we understand how much human connection fuels us, it is easy to see why the impact of the pandemic has been so devastating to our mental and physical well-being.
I’m halfway to 80. I have so many more memories to make - big and small. When I stress about what I have or haven’t done with my life, I’ll remind myself , that I have some amazing relationships with friends and family, and that I just need to keep finding ways to connect with them. If I lead with that, the joyful memories and moments will surely follow.
I love song lyrics almost as much as movie quotes. This a favorite of mine from “Good to Go” by Jason Aldean. It sums it all up for me.
Had an all American Mom and Dad
Some of the coolest friends you could ever have
Found love I thought I'd never find
I can't believe this life is mine
And I'm not plannin' on leavin' yet
But the truth is you just never know
And if this is as good as it gets
Man, I think I'm good to go, I'm good to go
Photography courtesy of Stolen Moments Photography
